If you knew me – as perhaps only one beyond myself truly does today – then you would know that I am blessed. Way up.
If you knew what I had been through, where I came from, what I have faced – you would simply be astonished. My life, in every regard, has eclipsed my wildest dreams.
If I told the story of it all, you wouldn’t even beleive it. As Mark Twain wrote: the only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction has to be believable.
But this, dear reader, is my life.
Full of laughter and innocence, and dreams, and beauty.
For over six years I have dipped my pen into my soul, bleeding the things I have lived – real and imagined.
But this – this is unreal.
For a long time, I struggled to find grattitude. I fought to love the things that were fated for me. Only now – I have finally come to see that gratitude does not in itself create happiness, but, rather, that happiness creates grattitude. And the only thing that creates happiness is choosing to be happy.
And I am happy. Happier than I ever knew I could be.
And not intermittently or on occasion; I am happy from dreams to sleep and back to dreams again.
No, God did not give me this. This is not some miracle from the sky.
This is a miracle from this guy.
The divine within.
Divine, from Latin divus, meaning: the god within.
And I prefer the god within to the god out there.
I’m not talking about religion; I’m talking about being.
And consciousness, as I understand it, is a computer.
Religion is nothing more than software. And you are free to load those programs – but I would rather think for myself.
And before you think me am atheist, let me tell you that I believe in the non-material world more than I do the physical plane.
We are creators.
This reality is mine.
Belief creates reality: you choose it, you doose it.
Think for yourself.
But I’m not here to give advice. I’m merely writing this as a testimony to my own experience.
Frankly, I don’t give a fuck what you think.
This is my life.
You can be as stuck in your head, as trapped in your own experience, as you want.
As you wish you will.
I realize there is no showing others the way. Best I can do is be a living testiment to the power of following your heart.
But few have the courage to.
Because you have to be willing to lose yourself, you have to be willing to earn it.
There is more spirituality in physics – cause and effect – than there are in any doctrine or dogma. The promise of salvation in the ever after is a white lie. A god who loves you, wants you to be happy in this life.
I laughed the other day about this, because I finally saw what assholes the invented gods are. What dickheads they would be if they existed.
The god I grew up with was a boogeyman. A looming father figure I could never love.
I have no doubt Jesus was a cool mofo, a hippie and a shaman in his own right, but soo too am I.
Look, I’m not telling you to renounce anything – trust me, I have tried nihilism – not the answer – besides the fact that the sex was no good, it’s a very victimized mindset. The belief in nothing, while inherently less hateful than religion, destroys the soul nonetheless.
What I am saying, is that if being a god granted the believer am omnipotent power, than stripping the believer of this belief – as religion does – would effectively strip the power away from the person and put it in the hands of those bastions of oppression, known as church and state.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t think that trading the divine beauty in this life for the promise of eternal salvation is a fair deal.
The idea that we – that my baby nephew – that all of us were born in sin, is fucking shit.
The paradigm that my baby nephew – that my soul – will go to hell for loving someone of the same sex (no-homo) is valid, is simply archaic.
Think for yourself.
I orgasm outside of wedlock with the woman I love every damn day. Good and bad are man made concepts. Not to say I don’t believe in evil, but most of the evil I see today comes from the love or the fear of religion.
I don’t have time to explain ISIS or the detrimental effect of religion on the collective unconsciousn to you, but needless to say – religion is fucked up.
And I don’t care how great of a Christian you are, be a good fucking person, because for every religious person using the name of their God for good, there are thirty seven others using it to judge, dividing human souls from the love, the god, within.
Look how small we are that we vilify ourselves and each other based on the things we think.
Accept yourself. Love yourself.
If you need someone else to love you before you wil love yourself then you have already lost the only battle for your soul you will ever fight.
Let it go.
Find happiness first.
As below so above.
As within so without.
To trust in something greater than yourself but not IN yourself is the real sin.
The only god you should ever love is the god that loves you and wants you to be happy. Anything else should be questioned without guilt.
As long as you are are standing in the shadows, you will miss the light.
The light is truth.
The light is love.
The light is you.
p.s. For any of my fellow Jungians reading this, I will say that freeing ones subconcioncious from a dominating paradigm is incredibly healthy for the soul.