unconditional

outcomes and incomes,
and what the judge says
who knows
i just have these damn wants
these sufferings
these attachments:
the things i count on,
they whittle at me in uncommon hours
even after i gave up escapes;
tired of being a dopamine fiend,
i traded fear for calm and trust,
(but i still need to know what the judge says…)
i still wonder about my chariot, still wonder about this christmas…
oh how tiring it is to care,
to look at the calendar, to want to be sure;
“man is born free and everywhere he goes he is in chains…”
and still, there remains no liberation in a discourse, a treatise, a pamphlet, a goal,
only in the present moment, in me, accepting myself with love:
no matter what, unconditional.

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