It’s Just a Character Trait

Time to be sad every day,
The inner-child needs it
Time to lay in the dark and listen to the songs that hurt so good;
For we are sad – and not pitiably –
It’s just a character trait
“Not some broken thing”,
It’s who we are, who anyone is,
After enough time on earth…
When you’ve loved and lost enough
And still, you love too fucking much
There’s just a sadness only you know:
Sorrow
And it demands a lifetime of mourning,
For it must be lived.

Jules, Grendel, and Bubba

In every adult there lurks a child —
an eternal child, something that is always becoming, is never completed, and calls for unceasing care, attention and education, that is part of the human personality which wants to develop and become whole.

~ Carl G. Jung

The dragons were handed down:
Demons men before me didn’t slay

“Man is born free, and everywhere he is in chains” –
Not quite, Rousseau

As I happen to know, vice is handed down,
Addictions run in families like rivers

And when the tide is high,
They overrun the banks and wash away all that is

And these pathologies, these addictions, these deficiencies, go deeper than chemicals,
They are attachment patterns

Love is taught,
By example

Imprinted upon us,
And sometimes we are left with a depression

Rather than an impression,
So life is like a game of chirades

Where we walk around oblivious to our own disfunctions [sic],
But find them in others instead

When Jung said, “there is no coming to consciousness without pain,”
He knew, you only get wet in the rain

And when you’ve suffered long enough,
You’ll come in

Bitter and cold and shaking,
But you’ll come in

And if you follow the keepers of the light,
You’ll find the keys hidden by the pharisees

And if you look within, vis a vis these keys,
You’ll have come into contact with a few creatures of permanent validity:

Shadow / the dark side:
A hairyman; iron john; grendel; edward scissorhands

Anima or animus (soul) / the bridge:
Inward self of opposite gender

And at the inmost…

Inner child / the light side:
Pure light; innocence; vulnerability

Each of these energies has many gifts,
Which you must utilize and interact with, but I say one above the others…

Yes, you need shadow and anima to be whole,
Between light and dark, masculine and feminine…

But without inner child integration into your psyche,
You can not have inner peace

And I’m no PHD;
Poet, but take it from me:

Inner child has the eyes to see,
Inner insight

Path to the light,
Ways to engage shadow healthily

Playfulness,
Anima needs – and ‘needs’ is the word

For inner child knows your needs,
But inner child also knows your wants…

We’re getting into some good magic here,
But there’s a catch

Inner child has long been neglected,
Ignored –

Which is not to say shadow and anima are without their wounds

They are very wounded,
But inner child must be freed, cared for, loved, adorned – firstly

Inner child knows the wounds of the shadow
And of anima too

But they know not the pain of the innmost,
Wounded, vulnerable, neglected inner child

Because if you’re going to be whole, if this life is to be worthwhile,
You need to spend more time with inner child than never or every once in awhile

Inner child needs safe space to play,
And a narrative myth formed by Self to make life a game

Self we have not touched on,
For this is the outer and I deal in the inner

But I say Self is the sum,
As balanced or imbalanced – between shadow, anima, and inner child – as we are

Do you see how useless words like ego are?
When we can touch, talk to, and listen to the wounded parts of what we are?

We are an animal: shadow
We are repressed expression, sexuality: anima
We are a divine being: inner child

And none of us are without these individual pieces of our selves,
None of us are free from mortal coil

Only we never have a map,
Are never taught the multiplicity of our being

And this is mostly Jung,
But it’s also everything I know

For I’m learning to dialogue with and integrate these parts of myself into me
Wolf Waldo Black, Lawrence Black:

My Anima is Jules
(After Julian Casablancas, also: pun on jewels)

My Shadow is Grendel,
(The beast in Beowolf)

My Inner Child is Bubba
(A child nickname from my Mom)

So this is me:
Jules, Grendel, and Bubba

We’re quite the trinity,
Holy you might say

When we work together,
Neglecting not another

Communicating through Self,
Me, running queries to each of these human softwares through the command-line of self-inquiry

Interacting with each,
Allowing each part to express safely through me

Because when I only listen to self,
I break my heart again, hurt them

And for Jules, Grendel, and Bubba – for me,
I’m sorry, but I can’t do that (robot voice)

As a postscript:

Quit looking for your “higher self” – if something or someone is ‘higher’ or ‘above and beyond’ your inner child, your priorities are fucked; look within or be without. The light has always been within you, rather it is you that have been without [yourself].

Okay, Okay

family loves me, friends love me,
everything is okay
have a house, bills are paid,
everything is okay
work and food on plate,
everything is okay
have a mission, a vision, a purpose,
everything is okay
am young l.cohen, young p.roth, young j.steinbeck – have exes,
books in progress,
everything is okay,
got poetry, renter’s insurance
everything is okay,
no court case, no warrants,
everything is okay,
am alive and well, take many vitamins, probiotics,
everything is okay,
warm clothes, soft bed,
everything is okay,
home again, in my head,
everything is okay.

And everything is going to be okay, okay.

Soothesayer

It’s a night for a poem,
For my soul aches for petty pretty things,
And I can’t find a song to soothe,
Not even ‘The Only Living Boy in New York’,
So I’ll be the soothesayer,
To comfort my star wars bones
On this planet alone
Searching for my kind,
And they’re all so detached;
Our parents fucked up love for all of us,
And their parents for them,
Most will do it again
All for a chase of the love they never had,
That’s what makes people dysfunctional,
For the functional are secure
And a misery of rejection for the dejected:
Contrasted with a misery of codependence as escape;
No center balance,
Person is falling into void;
Self-esteem destroyed
The hunger is real,
Thirst pales;
We truly want for them,
To fill us in
Where we cannot be seen,
We grasp into a vacuum:
Space:
Our own emptiness:
Seeing itself in them,
And we are so drawn in,
Lost in them;
The moth burns in the flame
We never win in this dark mirror game;
For there is light in a being of light,
Otherwise, none.

Little Wolf

There is a Little Wolf,
Far from the left coast, but everywhere –
Not like those mean thots –
And She and I know, I ought not use that word, think like that,
But they’re not like her,
Haven’t overcome their egos like she does everyday –
She makes even great girls seem basic,
Her values,
Her integrity, her sobriety
Her fierce truthfulness – true beauty
Good enough to be the mother of your children,
And she’ll make you good enough to be their father
For you must rise to meet her on that level,
Of truth,
Which honors her, and shows in how you live, how you think
She makes you worthy of her – of yourself
For she sees no difference from your heart, where she dwells,
As the lens you wanna see everything through
She is the Queen that makes men Kings,
The divine one, the pearl,
Counterweight to your soul
Sculptor of your fate,
God in a pair of boots and a skirt
Bad bitch (and not boujee at all)
She is a warrior for the collective, the whole
Little Wolf is unforgettable
And you hope you can be like Her
Because she has wisom,
Taught you that consciousness is a full time gig,
And made you want to work at it,
Gave you belief forever.

unconditional

outcomes and incomes,
and what the judge says
who knows
i just have these damn wants
these sufferings
these attachments:
the things i count on,
they whittle at me in uncommon hours
even after i gave up escapes;
tired of being a dopamine fiend,
i traded fear for calm and trust,
(but i still need to know what the judge says…)
i still wonder about my chariot, still wonder about this christmas…
oh how tiring it is to care,
to look at the calendar, to want to be sure;
“man is born free and everywhere he goes he is in chains…”
and still, there remains no liberation in a discourse, a treatise, a pamphlet, a goal,
only in the present moment, in me, accepting myself with love:
no matter what, unconditional.

This is The Temple: In Your Nutrient Fed Brain

Google can’t help,
Reddit can’t help

Unless you want to be an average,
The collective can’t help you

Nor can an individual,
But it’s a great tale:

The Mickey Rourke, saved by the Marissa Tomei –
It’s a great lie, that you can be saved by some girl or some guy:

Another’s love can not save you, cannot make you whole,
Impossible…

‘A Star is Born’, and he hangs himself in the end,
Never knowing how to be his own best friend

Pain, repression, denial, fear, worry,
All the dragons one must slay – they stand within

And you must face them within:
Without the crutches..

The wine, the weed, the woman – the funhouse mirrors – social media too…

As if they can show you a better side of yourself,
As if happiness isn’t health!

So the sage returns to the basics:
Food, water, breath, sweat, sleep, meditation, hard work – repeat

The means to get out of debt with Self,
So there is no longer, “I owe myself some high, some sojurn as reward” (…oh my)

Slippery slope,
When one needs escape to cope

You don’t need to get away,
You need to come back home

Where you’re peacefully alone,
Giving yourself that radical forgiveness, that raw self-love, which connects thee to the above

Your medicine is Grace;
The space for your inner child to play is how the dragons are slain

Homeostasis, balance,
In your nutrient fed brain.

Savor It

Dear boy, you want love,
But it takes steps,
Listening to Ariana Grande’s,
‘Thank You, Next’
It’s crazy,
You look at Bradley Cooper and think, “one day, thatt’ll be me”
Just grown,
With my Stefani,
The Fame,
Crown prince of the pen game
And damn, maybe I’ll find her when I’m 40,
So until then,
I’m not worried about shit
Just myself, so I’m gonna savor it

Le Cost

I need love
But all I got’s a bong and a Peep song

Ain’t nothin’ wrong, it’ll do,
Beats being sad with you

And I’m still gonna break your heart for leavin’
Stuntin’ in La Lolla like Cary Grant, best believe it …

What the fuck they ever think I was gonna be,
So go hop on some late alpha dick – see em at my age and he really wasn’t shit

But see me grown and you’ll regret it,
Should of made the investment

Wrote me off like a loss,
That shit gives me so much motherfukin’ sauce

But I’ll never be lost,
Never beleive in love like that again

That’s why I’m still writin’ poems after all this time,
That was the cost, my only friend